I’ve mentioned this before, but I really think whoever coined the phrase, “the days are long, but the years are short”, knew a thing or two about raising kids.
Yet despite how long some days are, and how excited David and I are to put Jason to bed some days, sometimes in bed, David and I will look at each other and say, “I miss Jason”.
And despite how tired I am at 5:45 in the morning when Jason wakes up, I am still so excited to get up with him – or on the days that Daddy is home, bring him into bed with us for some cuddles. (Now, don’t get me wrong, these cuddles are not really “cuddles” per se…I only do this on days that David is home because that way there are two of us on either side of the bed when Jason is crawling or climbing all over us, like a MADMAN.)
It’s funny because people tell you that parenthood is hard, but rewarding. And like childbirth, it’s one of those things I feel like people can TRY and explain to you time and time again, but you don’t REALLY understand it ’til you’re in it. It has tested my grace, understanding, patience, and strength…. in ways I couldn’t have even begin to imagine.
And it’s humbled me too. It’s taught me that it’s OKAY to not have it all figured out, and to ask for help, especially on the days that are EXTRA long.
There have been times when I have just started crying in the car and David reminds me that it is okay to tell him that I need a day to myself sometimes. And that it’s okay to love being a mom, and love Jason, yet just need a break sometimes – that I don’t always have to have it together and figured out.
And that’s been tough for me. Accepting that.
It’s funny because growing up, my best friend’s mom had a piece of art in the bathroom that read, “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” And in all the years I spent using her bathroom, that really embedded itself into my brain, and it constantly brings me encouragement now.
I always have to remind myself that I don’t HAVE to “fix”, or have an answer for everything, and that’s OKAY.
I entered into motherhood with unrealistic expectations and was determined to have it all together. And looking back on it now, I realize I often put unnecessary pressure on myself to be a supermom, superwife, superhomemaker, etc. etc., and I don’t know why. I rarely let myself JUST BE, and I should’ve.
Now that Jason is almost 10 months old, I look back on those early days and kick myself for putting so much importance on sleep training, or the laundry and dishes, for example. I miss the days when Jason would just sleep in arms for hours.
I think for our next babies, we will definitely appreciate that season so much more, knowing how short it really is. (And I’m sure we’ll be saying that after this season, and the next, and the next…)
And while Jason is out of that newborn stage, and is now constantly on the go, I also love this stage of watching him learn and discover new things. And now that we are in this “on-the-go”, learning phase, I am trying to learn to rearrange my priorities and just be in the moment with J, because the while the days are long, the years really are short.
Below are some (very raw, unedited!!!) photos of us from the last few months. If you don’t like selfies, or cute & chubby babies, don’t keep scrolling. 🙂